Tips for Co-Parenting Through the Hurt and Anger After a Difficult Divorce/Break-Up

Going through a divorce is never easy. But, when there are children involved, it can become even more of a difficult process. 

While co-parenting is the best way to put your kids first, even after the marriage ends, it doesn’t always work as it should. This is especially true if your former spouse is being difficult. 

It can also be hard to do if your spouse hurt you throughout the marriage, and now, you have a hard time either trusting them or cooperating with them. This can create roadblocks in your ability to parent together. 

So, what can you do to keep putting your children first, even if your spouse is making it hard to co-parent effectively? 

Focus on Your Children, Not the Uncooperative Ex

If you don’t like the way your ex-spouse is handling things, you can absolutely try to talk to them and come to a compromise. But, in many cases, you’ll simply have to accept that they aren’t going to change who they are. 

The best thing you can do about that is to put your focus on your children. Try to be as amicable as possible with your former spouse. Use the children’s’ needs and wants as the basis of your conversation. And you may have to change your own mindset to not feel so on edge whenever your ex is around. 

Think About How You Communicate

You’re going to have to communicate with your co-parent. So, make sure you keep your topics of communication as low-conflict as possible. Really, you should only be discussing matters that impact your children. 

By setting boundaries for yourself and your former partner, you can keep your emotions in check and not say things you normally wouldn’t. With that strategy, you’ll also protect yourself from getting hurt again. 

Your communication style with your co-parent needs to reflect the kind of relationship you want to show your children for years to come. If your ex is still being difficult or wants to engage in hostile conversation, don’t back down from being calm, level-headed, and respectful. 

Don’t Take It Personally

Your ex probably knows how to get under your skin better than anyone else. So, if they try to get to you through the children, it’s important to not take it personally. Maybe they say something hurtful to you when they’re picking up the children. Or maybe they try to criticize your parenting style. 

Keep in mind that, more often than not, this is just a way for them to either get back at you for hurting them or project their problems onto you. It’s important not to take it personally, even though that’s often easier said than done. 

Instead, as stated above, keep your focus solely on the children. Try to redirect your conversations back to the care of the kids and what is best for them at any given time. 

Making Co-Parenting Work for You

At some point, your ex may calm down and want to be an effective co-parent as well. But, even if they don’t, you have to keep your focus on the kids, for your own mental health and well-being. 

Co-parenting is different for everyone. Some couples are lucky enough to work through things in a calm, respectful manner. For others, it can feel hostile and angry. 

The best thing you can do through it all is to decide how you’re going to relate to your former partner. You have a choice when it comes to your reactions. It’s not always easy to work through the hurt and pain they caused. But it’s the right thing to do in putting your children first. 

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If you’re struggling with co-parenting or dealing with a former partner who is making it hard, feel free to reach out. We can work on more tips and strategies to make the process as easy as possible for you.