Covid 19; A Tragedy And An Opportunity

“Everything is here to help us”. These words, passed down from a teacher and guru of mine, Matt Kahn, have proven their truth in my life time and time again. In graduate school I another teacher and therapy guru, Irvin Yallom, said something similar. “In therapy, everything is grist for the mill”. I have come across this sentiment often on my own spiritual path. Obstacles present with themselves opportunities. This has been said by masters for eons. I have happily witnessed many clients boldly turn and face the various challenges in their external and internal worlds and use the energy of the disruption for growth and change. 

That the world is experiencing great disruption and turmoil right now might be the understatement of the year. Things were moving very rapidly even before Covid 19 shut down our schools, restaurants, movements, and economies. A great pause has been placed upon humanity. A grand opportunity for reset. If you look past the frightening headlines and breathless coverage, you may start to notice new ideas emerging. A questioning our separation and survival based living. This is not to say that there are not great challenges, and tragedies, and suffering as me move into what I have heard to referred as “the corona cocoon”.  

I believe that our collective external world is a mirror to our collective inner spaces, just as my own personal external world reflects my own individual inner life. Where I experience turmoil and challenge in my personal life will invariably points me towards aspects of myself that are crying out for my attention and love. Our world is crying out for our attention and love. During this great reset, a good question to ask is, where am I holding my attention? In the noise and drama and problems? What opportunities are presenting themselves that I may be missing? What shadow aspects of myself that I have been ignoring are surfacing to be loved and released?

My challenge for myself is to use this opportunity, and the energy created from it, to take a giant leap forward in living my life from well-being and balance. Can I have the courage to look where my anxiety and fears are? When I am worrying about paying my mortgage, can I use this indicator to direct my gaze towards where in myself I am holding “lack” and “not enough”. Can I hone my discernment, in ease, and take the necessary precautions to protect myself and my family without going into fear? When my kids have been home for days on end and the chaos and screaming are making our daily lives into a marathon that starts at 5:00 am, can I use this challenge as a chance to stretch my ability to be patient and nurturing?  

The filters through which we view our reality inform and direct our attention and the experiences in our lives. It has been said, “where attention goes, energy flows”. A unique opportunity unlike anything we have seen before sits before, offering us the time and space to toss out filters and beliefs that no longer serve us. As another teacher of mine, Jim Self, has said countless times, “How do you choose”?

Feel free to reach out to me if you are interested in exploring how you can choose to use this opportunity to take a leap forward in your own growth and development. 

Midlife Survival Guide: Is It an Existential Crisis or Just a Transition?

When you think about a midlife crisis, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? For many, it might be the old stereotype of buying a vintage convertible or getting plastic surgery to look younger. 

There comes a point in your life—in your late 40s or 50s—where you might start to really think about your life and your mortality. Such an existential crisis will have you questioning your purpose or wondering if your life means anything. 

So, are you dealing with such a crisis? Or are you just going through a normal transition at this phase in your life? 

Let’s go over a few “survival” tips you can use to get through this transition period of your life. When you choose to embrace the transition and work through it, it just might feel like less of a crisis. 

Don’t Think The Worst About Your Health

One of the best things you can do as you start to get older is to be grateful for every breath you take. If you feel good and you don’t have any serious physical ailments, you’re actually doing really well. 

With that being said, you don’t need to take every little ache, pain, cough, or cold so seriously. Just because you reach a certain age doesn’t mean you’ll start to experience fatal illnesses. If something seems serious, talk to your doctor about it. But stay away from researching all of your “symptoms” online, and take comfort in feeling good on a daily basis. 

Making Elaborate Purchases

We’ve all seen the movies where a man in his 50s goes out and buys a fancy car or a brand new house. If you feel like you’re having an existential crisis, spending all the money in the world isn’t going to boost your sense of self-worth. It certainly isn’t going to tell you what your purpose is. 

Reaching a certain age doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot of money or buy “toys” that make you feel important. It also doesn’t mean you need to change the way you look. 

In fact, these impulsive behaviors can actually be dangerous and lead to other things, like alcohol or drug use. 

It’s Okay to Have Fun

It’s a good idea to go out and have fun sometimes. Spend time with your friends doing things you love. Doing so can help you to feel young and vibrant. For a moment, you might even forget about the whole “midlife crisis” dilemma. You’re never too old to have fun!

Again, reaching a certain age doesn’t mean you need to give up the things you’ve been enjoying for years. Just make sure you’re not changing who you are in the process. The most important people in your life love the person you already are. Spending time with those people can be a great reminder of that. 

Time Will Make It Better

If you do find yourself questioning your worth or your place in the world, you’re not alone. One of the reasons midlife issues are so widely portrayed is because many people do struggle with them. 

If you can stay the course through this transition, it will get better. One thing that can help is therapy. If you’re struggling, talking to a professional can help. Through therapy, you can learn how to navigate the next chapter of your life comfortably and with confidence. 

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Struggling to understand your place and your purpose? You don’t have to go through this new stage alone, and you don’t have to change who you are. Feel free to contact me today to learn more ways to handle a midlife transition. 

“Have I Ruined My Life?” – How Postpartum Depression Affects the Mother/Child Relationship

Postpartum depression (PPD) isn’t uncommon. In fact, up to 10% of mothers experience some form of it. Despite that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, many new moms still struggle with guilt and shame. 

Simply put, postpartum depression is an overwhelming feeling of sadness after your baby is born. In every sense of the word, it’s a depressive state. But unlike traditional forms of depression, it does typically go away on its own with time. 

However, there isn’t a set timeline from mother to mother. Everyone is different. And while you’re struggling with PPD, you might feel completely overwhelmed by motherhood or like you’re not connecting with your baby.

You may even wonder if you ruined your life.

That’s why it’s so important to understand, how does postpartum depression really impact your relationship with your child? What can you do about it? 

Early Development and Relationships

The mother/child relationship is especially important within the first three months of a baby’s life. But, if you feel like you’re not connecting with your newborn, those feelings of shame and guilt you already feel due to PPD can become even stronger. 

There is a slight risk that you’ll decrease the chances of maternal bonding with your baby if you’re staying more distant from them during the first few months of their life. Babies need physical touch, care, and warmth. They count on you for all of it. So, if you have someone else like a spouse or partner stepping up to do most of the caregiving, the child will likely bond with them. 

That isn’t meant to scare you or make you feel guilty. Young children simply need to bond with their natural caregivers. But, if you’re not healthy enough to take care of your new baby, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s important to focus on your health so you can get better, and then give your baby the care they deserve. 

Understanding Postpartum Depression

If you just had a baby and you have thoughts that you may have ruined your life, you could certainly be struggling with PPD. New motherhood can be overwhelming for many mothers, which can lead them to struggle with both feelings of guilt and depression. 

Some common symptoms of PPD include: 

• Crying

• Irritability

• Anger

• Fear

• Unwanted thoughts

• Fatigue

• Changes in weight

Postpartum depression is more than just the “baby blues.” It can be a crippling disorder that lasts for months if untreated. 

The good news? It can be treated, and you can find the help you need to get through it quickly. 

Treating PPD

The first thing you need to understand about PPD is that it isn’t your fault. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother or that you love your baby any less.

Seeking out treatment for postpartum depression can help you to get over it faster so you can create a better bond with your child and build a lasting, nurturing relationship. 

There are different ways of treating postpartum depression. Some women benefit from getting on antidepressants for a while. This can be especially helpful if you’re prone to depression or experienced it even before your child was born. 

In many cases, though, counseling or therapy is the best approach to managing and treating PPD. A therapist can help you to get to the underlying cause of your depression and help you to work through your feelings so you can manage your symptoms. 

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If you’re struggling with postpartum depression and you’re worried about how it might impact your relationship with your child, feel free to contact us. There isn’t any shame in PPD, but there’s also no shame in getting the help you need.

The birth of a child is a joyful, unique time of life. You should be able to enjoy it and to bond with your baby the way you would like to.

The Unique Benefits of Online Therapy Over In-Person Therapy

Therapy can help with a variety of different issues. Whether you’re stressed, anxious, depressed, or just need help getting through something specific, seeing a therapist can help you to get through a lot of things. 

However, for one reason or another, it’s not always convenient or practical to see a therapist in-person. That’s one of the reasons why online therapy has grown in popularity in recent years. 

It’s amazing to think about how the Internet can have an impact on taking care of your mental health. Online therapy allows you to connect with a therapist almost anywhere in the world. So, you can find someone who is willing to work with your specific needs on your time. 

With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the most unique and relevant benefits of online therapy. 

It Allows You to Receive Therapy Anywhere

The fact is, not everyone lives in an area where therapists are widely available. If you live in a more rural region, you might not have the option of going to therapy somewhere nearby. Even if you do, chances are that the variety of therapists in your area are limited. 

Online therapy can connect you with therapists anywhere in the world, including ones that have specialties. So, you can hone in on a specific type of therapy that might benefit you the most. 

Where you live shouldn’t have a negative impact on your ability to find help with your mental health. Online therapy gives you more options than you could get when you don’t live in a busier area. 

It’s Convenient

It’s not always easy to set up in-person therapy sessions that work around your schedule. Many therapists have strict schedules of their own to follow. 

Going through online therapy allows you to schedule appointments in the comfort of your own home and on your terms. You can “log on” when the time of your appointment is agreed upon, and you don’t have to leave your house to do it. 

As you might imagine, this type of therapy is cheaper than traditional forms, too. Many online therapists offer payment options that are designed to work for you. 

It’s For Everyone

People with accessibility issues or those with disabilities can’t always easily get out to attend in-person therapy sessions. Online therapy makes mental health care available to everyone. Your mobility shouldn’t hinder you from getting the help you need. 

So, it’s fair to say that online therapy is more inclusive. It opens up an entirely new world for people who wouldn’t be able to get help with their mental health otherwise. 

Are There Any Disadvantages? 

One of the arguments against online therapy is that it somehow feels less personal or intimate than in-person therapy. Or some may suggest that a therapist won’t be able to fully understand what you’re trying to convey online.

But thanks to advancements in technology, it’s easier than ever to really be able to connect with another person via the internet. Video chat has given the industry a boost, so you can actually look at your therapist face-to-face during your session. And because you’re able to have your session from the comfort of your own home, it may even help you to feel more relaxed than if you were in their office. 

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Not sure if online therapy is right for you? Or do you just want more information on what to expect?

If you’re interested in trying out therapy online or you’re wondering how it would benefit you, feel free to contact us at any time. We’d be happy to help you examine more of the benefits you can receive from this form of therapy. 

Tips for Co-Parenting Through the Hurt and Anger After a Difficult Divorce/Break-Up

Going through a divorce is never easy. But, when there are children involved, it can become even more of a difficult process. 

While co-parenting is the best way to put your kids first, even after the marriage ends, it doesn’t always work as it should. This is especially true if your former spouse is being difficult. 

It can also be hard to do if your spouse hurt you throughout the marriage, and now, you have a hard time either trusting them or cooperating with them. This can create roadblocks in your ability to parent together. 

So, what can you do to keep putting your children first, even if your spouse is making it hard to co-parent effectively? 

Focus on Your Children, Not the Uncooperative Ex

If you don’t like the way your ex-spouse is handling things, you can absolutely try to talk to them and come to a compromise. But, in many cases, you’ll simply have to accept that they aren’t going to change who they are. 

The best thing you can do about that is to put your focus on your children. Try to be as amicable as possible with your former spouse. Use the children’s’ needs and wants as the basis of your conversation. And you may have to change your own mindset to not feel so on edge whenever your ex is around. 

Think About How You Communicate

You’re going to have to communicate with your co-parent. So, make sure you keep your topics of communication as low-conflict as possible. Really, you should only be discussing matters that impact your children. 

By setting boundaries for yourself and your former partner, you can keep your emotions in check and not say things you normally wouldn’t. With that strategy, you’ll also protect yourself from getting hurt again. 

Your communication style with your co-parent needs to reflect the kind of relationship you want to show your children for years to come. If your ex is still being difficult or wants to engage in hostile conversation, don’t back down from being calm, level-headed, and respectful. 

Don’t Take It Personally

Your ex probably knows how to get under your skin better than anyone else. So, if they try to get to you through the children, it’s important to not take it personally. Maybe they say something hurtful to you when they’re picking up the children. Or maybe they try to criticize your parenting style. 

Keep in mind that, more often than not, this is just a way for them to either get back at you for hurting them or project their problems onto you. It’s important not to take it personally, even though that’s often easier said than done. 

Instead, as stated above, keep your focus solely on the children. Try to redirect your conversations back to the care of the kids and what is best for them at any given time. 

Making Co-Parenting Work for You

At some point, your ex may calm down and want to be an effective co-parent as well. But, even if they don’t, you have to keep your focus on the kids, for your own mental health and well-being. 

Co-parenting is different for everyone. Some couples are lucky enough to work through things in a calm, respectful manner. For others, it can feel hostile and angry. 

The best thing you can do through it all is to decide how you’re going to relate to your former partner. You have a choice when it comes to your reactions. It’s not always easy to work through the hurt and pain they caused. But it’s the right thing to do in putting your children first. 

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If you’re struggling with co-parenting or dealing with a former partner who is making it hard, feel free to reach out. We can work on more tips and strategies to make the process as easy as possible for you. 

The 5 Stages of Grief: Tips for Coping with a Loss

Everyone has heard of grief and has a basic idea of what it is. But not everyone fully understands the stages of grief and how important they are when it comes to fully healing. 

Grief occurs when there is any type of loss in your life. Whether you lost a loved one, a family pet, or even if you’re going through a divorce or separation, you have to be able to get through the loss in an effective and productive way. 

The stages of grief are meant to help you get through your loss from start to finish. You’ll never completely “forget” the loss you experienced, and that’s not the point. The point is being able to move on from that loss and continue on with your life.

So, what are the stages of grief? And how can you cope if you’ve experienced a loss?

1. Denial

Denial is often the first stage of grief and probably seems pretty self-explanatory. Many types of losses can come as a shock—a sudden separation, the death of a family member or beloved pet, etc.

These losses can make the whole world feel overwhelming and almost surreal. You might not want to believe the person/pet you cared so much about is truly gone. 

Denial isn’t a terrible thing. It’s your mind and body’s way of letting you cope by not giving you more to process than you can mentally handle at any given time. But, obviously, it’s important to get past the denial stage and understand that the loss really did occur. 

2. Anger

When you get through your denial, it’s not uncommon to start feeling angry. Don’t try to hide this emotion. Instead, let it out (constructively!), and you can work through it faster. 

Anger can make you feel stronger when you need it most. Maybe you’re angry with yourself or the person who died or left you. You might even be angry with God or a higher power. Give yourself the time you need to feel angry and express it in healthy, productive ways.

3. Bargaining

Bargaining isn’t a stage of grief everyone is familiar with. The truth is, bargaining and guilt tend to go hand in hand. You might start asking yourself a lot of “what if” questions. You might start to think of things you could have done differently to keep someone from dying or a loved one from leaving you. 

Unfortunately, bargaining keeps you in the past. It forces you to try to negotiate your own feelings—even the pain you’re going through. 

As you go through this grieving stage, wishing you could do anything to reverse the loss you experienced, it might feel like a step back. But it’s important to remember that these stages don’t have a specific timeline. What you must do is keep going forward and working through them. And, eventually, you get back to the present. 

4. Depression

When you do come back to the present and you’ve stopped bargaining, you’ll probably realize that there’s nothing you can do to “fix” the loss. You can’t bring someone back. The reality of the situation might start to hit you heavier than it has already.

As a result, it’s not uncommon to feel depressed and hopeless. 

As heavy and hard as depression might feel in the moment, it’s a normal (and necessary) stage in the grieving process. Obviously, any kind of loss is depressing. Allowing yourself to feel that and to experience it means you’re not trying to keep your emotions and feelings at bay. When you process them and allow them to come up freely, you’ll be able to heal faster. 

5. Acceptance

Typically, the final stage of grief is acceptance. But acceptance doesn’t mean you’re automatically okay with everything that’s happened. You don’t forget about your loss or your loved one. Acceptance simply means that you acknowledge and accept the reality that the loss happened. That the person/pet is not coming back.

Do you feel great about it? No. But coming to this realization and knowing you can’t do anything to fix it can help you to let go of lingering feelings of anger and depression. 

Reaching this stage can help you to grow. Because you’ve been through this experience, you can reach out to new people, reconnect with old friends, and start to move on with your life again.

Co-Parenting: How You Can Raise Balanced Children Despite Your Split

If you’re going through a divorce and you have children, one of the most important things to decide is how to co-parent your kids in a healthy way.

Co-parenting occurs when a divorced couple shares in the duties of raising their child(ren). Unfortunately, it’s sometimes easier said than done in contentious divorces.

During the divorce process, you may go through mediation to come to some conclusions about how your children should be raised (and who should raise them). It’s important to think about what’s best for your children. And that can be hard if you’re not getting along with your ex-spouse.

So, how can you raise balanced children while co-parenting after a divorce?

Set Your Own Anger Aside

Married couples split up for a variety of different reasons. Some situations are more serious, like domestic violence or substance abuse. But, if you just grew apart from your spouse or couldn’t stop fighting, that isn’t a reason for not allowing them to have a healthy relationship with their child.

You may not have many good things to say about your ex-spouse. But, in most cases, it’s healthiest for children to have strong relationships with both parents.

To begin, you have to set your anger, sadness, and feelings of betrayal aside when it comes to custody and visitation rights. Don’t put your kids in the middle of your emotions or your battles with your ex-partner. If you have anger issues, take it out elsewhere when your children aren’t around.

By setting your anger aside, you’ll be able to remain a stable and secure environment for your children.

Talk to Your Former Spouse

It’s not always easy, but one of the best ways to make sure you're on the same page when co-parenting is to communicate well with your child’s other parent.

Instead of thinking about how it might make you feel, think about your child. Make your child the center of each conversation that you have with your former spouse. That way, there's never any need to bring up old wounds from your marriage.

Of course, this type of communication can take time and a lot of work. That’s especially true if your divorce was particularly stressful. If you and your ex can commit to speaking to each other without conflict when it comes to your kids, it will make co-parenting much easier.

Remember You’re a Team

Co-parenting works best if you’re on the same page with your former spouse. It can be confusing for your kids to have different expectations, rules, etc., coming from each parent. Children will feel more stable if they have similar sets of rules from both parents.

So try working out a plan with your ex when it comes to rules and disciplinary action. You may not agree on everything, but it’s likely you can meet somewhere in the middle. Again, thinking about what’s best for your child should take precedence over your own personal feelings.

Be Respectful, Even When It's Hard

You and your ex-spouse are both starting a new life and a new journey with your children. Being respectful toward each other, no matter how difficult it might be, can show your kids that their world isn’t going to completely change.

When you can make decisions together as parents, the effects of your divorce will have less of a negative impact on your children. While their lives will change, keeping things as stable and as secure as possible will definitely make the transition easier for them.

If you’re going through a divorce or you’re new to co-parenting, please feel free to contact us. We know it’s not always easy to work with your ex-spouse right away. But we'd be delighted to help you through the process so you can continue to raise healthy, balanced children.

3 Tips for dealing with Professional Burnout

Professional Burnout refers to the physical and emotional exhaustion that occurs as a result of chronic, work-related stress. Today, rates of burnout are higher than ever. A recent study of 7,500 full-time employees in the USA indicated 23% reported feeling frequent or constant burnout, while 44% reported feeling burnout sometimes.

It is important to know that “burnout” is not a medical diagnosis, but it is a life condition that can be linked to physical and mental health impairment. Often this experience is also called a midlife crisis or an existential crisis.

Unsurprisingly, the effects of burnout are not left at the office. Burnout affects family life, social relationships, and physical and mental health. If you think you may be suffering from burnout, it is important to take steps to get your life back into balance.

Signs of burnout

• Physical symptoms: 

• Chronic fatigue/exhaustion

• Unexplained headaches

• Gastrointestinal distress

• Increased vulnerability to immune-related illness

• Wondering why you feel so empty and unfulfilled

• Insomnia

• Difficulties concentrating

• Using food, drugs or alcohol to feel better

• Anxiety/depression/irritability 

• Lack of satisfaction in achievements

• Feeling disillusioned with your job

Factors that increase the risk of burnout

One of the biggest factors in burnout is perceived level of control. An early study investigating burnout indicated that the perception of uncontrollability was linked to depression. Unfair treatment at work, unmanageable workload, and unreasonable time pressures are also major factors that contribute to burnout.

What you can do

 The above factors are related to the environment and policies of your workplace. However, there are some things you can control in relation to your risk of burnout. If possible:

1. Do not take your work home — leave it at the office. Make a commitment to think about other things and engage in non-work related activities when you are not at work.

2. Expand your interests — your work should not consume your entire life. Find and pursue hobbies that interest you. Develop friendships, spend time with loved ones. Make an effort to make pleasure a priority in your life.

3. Consider other options — if your job/career is causing burnout and you feel like your work conditions are preventing you from making the changes you need to make, consider either leaving the organization or changing professions. Often other opportunities exist, but we will not find them if we don’t even consider looking.

Therapy can help

Therapeutic sessions for professionals experiencing burnout will help relieve stress, and provide an objective view. Some research suggests that people experiencing symptoms of burnout do not believe that their jobs are the main cause of their distress. Often there are other underlying issues causing unhappiness and stress. Therapy will address all the aspects you may be dealing with to help you create a balanced and satisfying life. Existential therapy can also help you discover meaning and purpose in your life.

If you would like to learn more, you are welcome to call and schedule an appointment or fill out our contact form and click send.

"Shouldn’t I Be Able to Cope with Postpartum Depression on My Own?" – 3 Reasons Therapy Is Vital

Whether you just gave birth or your baby is a few months old, you’re not alone if you’re experiencing postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression (PPD) actually affects about 50% of new mothers. It can come with symptoms like anger, anxiety, fatigue, or even a feeling of hopelessness.

While PPD can go away eventually, you shouldn’t have to deal with it on your own. If you do, and you don’t find effective ways to cope, it can last much longer and have a greater impact on your life. It may also cause you to interact less with your new baby, and that can affect your child.

Therapy isn't just a great way to get through this uneasy, confusing time—it's vital!

Why?

If you’re struggling with postpartum depression and have been putting off the idea of therapy, take these reasons into consideration why treatment is so important.

1. Therapy Can Help You See That You’re Not Alone

Many women struggle with feeling totally alone and/or isolated when they’re dealing with PPD. A therapist is there to help you see that you’re certainly not alone and that you have nothing to feel ashamed of.

A therapist can also encourage you to develop a network of support. This could include family members, friends, or other mothers who may have gone through the same thing in the past.

Thanks to advancements in technology, even if the important people in your life live far away, you can connect with them on a regular basis for support. Whether you simply need to vent to someone or you need solid advice, knowing that you have people there to back you up can make a huge difference in how you feel.

2. Therapy Can Help You Alleviate Your Guilt

Having postpartum depression doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother. Unfortunately, though, the guilt associated with PPD is often what keeps mothers from seeking out help.

Between your hormones jumping around all over the place, the new responsibilities of motherhood, and a sleep schedule you’re not used to, it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed!

Talking to a therapist can help you to cope with any feelings of guilt. It can make you realize that you’re not a bad mother. That what you're dealing with is not abnormal. And that dealing with PPD is not a reflection on your worth as a person.

In seeking out professional help, you’re not only doing what’s best for you. You’re doing what’s best for your child, too, so you can be the best mother you can possibly be.

3. Therapy Can Help You to Change Your Behaviors

An important area which therapy for postpartum depression addresses is identifying your behaviors and finding different, positive ways to change them.

One of the best ways to do that is to give yourself permission to take care of yourself. As a new mother, it feels natural to try to put all of your focus on your baby. But when you neglect taking care of yourself, you’re not going to be able to give your child the best care possible.

A therapist can help you to create a plan to get more rest, exercise, eat healthier, and find things that make you feel more like you again. That can be overwhelming to do on your own. But getting help from an experienced professional can take away some of that pressure and stress.

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Don’t feel bad about struggling with PPD. The sooner you realize you’re not alone in your struggle, the easier it will be to accept some kind of help.

If you’re dealing with the symptoms of postpartum depression and you’ve been trying to cope with it on your own, it’s time to give therapy a try. You have too much to deal with on your own already. Not addressing your condition will only make things harder.

I’m here to help you get through this struggle and will work with you every step of the way. Don’t feel as though you have to go through this alone for another minute! Please, contact me with any questions you may have or to set up an appointment.

4 Keys to Help You Overcome Loneliness After the Loss of Your Spouse

Losing a spouse is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. Whether they passed recently or quite some time ago, dealing with the pain of loss can leave a lasting scar on your emotions.

Grief is normal when you lose a spouse, but the loneliness that comes with it can be crippling.

It might feel as though you’ll never get past your loss. But that doesn’t have to be the case. While you may continue to feel sadness when you think about that loss, you can still move through it and find peace and happiness once again.

With that in mind, let’s look at four key ways you can start to overcome the loneliness caused by the loss of your spouse.

1. Be Proactive About Change

If you feel yourself sinking into deep grief, it’s ultimately up to you to be proactive about changing. Commit yourself to make positive changes in your life. There should be an underlying willingness to move on. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow. But you have to commit yourself to eventually getting through this.

When you have that commitment set in your heart and mind, it will fuel everything else you do to combat loneliness.

2. Find Hobbies You Enjoy

One of the most effective ways to deal with loneliness is to fill your time with other things. Take up hobbies again you used to enjoy. Or find something new to take up your time. There are activities available for people of all ages and with all different types of interests.

It’s a good idea to choose activities that will allow you to connect with other people, rather than solitary ones. Meeting new people and eventually opening up to them can be therapeutic.

3. Volunteer

If you want to occupy your time in a positive way and feel better while doing it, volunteer. Spreading joy and doing something good for others is a great way to combat grief and loneliness.

Helping someone else can really put things in perspective when it comes to your own personal struggles. Choose an organization or group you’re passionate about. It could be a local homeless shelter or an animal shelter, etc. This is another great way to meet new people and feel better about yourself.

4. Find Support

Surrounding yourself with a support system after your spouse has died is one of the most important aspects of getting through grief and loneliness.

The good news? A support system doesn’t just have to be family and/or friends. While they can be a big help, don’t be afraid to look for an extended support system too. There are many different groups for people dealing with loneliness and grief that meet regularly. Sharing your story with others who have gone through something similar can start to provide healing.

Some people even find it beneficial to start dating after a certain period of time. This varies from person to person, of course. Don’t feel as though you have to jump back into the dating world to find some kind of fulfillment. That's not the point. But, for some, it helps to have a companion to share things with.

Grief therapy can also make a big difference if you feel like you’re lacking support and you don’t know where else to turn. Therapy can help you when going through different stages of grief, and it can provide you with the resources needed to cope with your loss.

Moreover, you may even be feeling guilty about losing your spouse and having to “survive” without them. If that’s the case, grief counseling can help you to process those thoughts and feelings as well.

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If you’re struggling with the loss of your spouse, don’t feel as though you have to deal with loneliness forever. Feel free to contact us if you’re interested in learning more about grief counseling and how it can help you through this difficult time.